Career Day for a Spicy Author
I received a call on Friday just after my children’s school let out. As soon as I saw the number, I answered as quickly as I could. We don’t receive many calls from the school because our kids don’t really get in trouble.
Except for Wednesday. That day was the exception. The bus driver informed me that our oldest was getting a referral for using foul language. He said that she screamed it across the bus in a fit of anger. My brows furrowed when he told me because it’s out of the norm for her. She knows those aren’t words she’s allowed to express at school or in any public setting.
As we were walking back home I asked her what happened to cause her to use it. Come to find out, the boy she was sitting with wouldn’t stop picking at her. She asked him to repeatedly and he ignored her. So, in a fit of frustration, she called him an asshole a little louder than she intended.
Something to know about my oldest…she’s very empathetic. She’d rather kill you with kindness than harm you in anyway. This leaves her open to bullying which is something we’ve dealt with a lot over the years. To the point that she wanted to do virtual school, but later changed her mind because she loved her friends.
This boy who was bullying her? He was supposed to be her friend. He’s her next door neighbor that she plays with outside.
Anyway, I’m getting off track. Back to the phone call I received today. It was the guidance counselor at their school.
Yeah, I thought she was in trouble, too. But that is most definitely NOT how our conversation went. This is how it actually went.
Me: Hello?
Counselor: Hi! This is Ms. E. Is this Ms. Leslie?
Me: Yes. (Still thinking this about my daughter)
Counselor: Great! I have a question. A favor really.
Me: Okay. What can I do for you?
Ms. E: We are having a career day at the elementary kids next week and we’d love to invite you to come speak to the kids about your career. A has told us about you being an author and how proud of you she is.
Me: (Picture me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth here) Umm…not that I wouldn’t love to, but…I don’t really write things for elementary aged kids. (Awkward laugh) It’s only 18+.
Ms. E: (laughs heartily) Oh, A told us that, too. Don’t worry. You don’t have to talk specifically about your books. Just things like the publishing process, how you create your characters, storylines. Your worldbuilding. Things like that.
Me: (Thinking in my head, ‘But what if I say accidentally say ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’.) Okay. I think that would maybe be okay.
The entire time my brain is doing this….
I’m totally going to drop an f-bomb on accident when I get passionate about what I’m talking about. Then the kids are going to go home and talk about the lady who dropped the f-bomb and then parents are going to be all scandalized. Especially when they look up my pen name because it’s super easy to figure it out when you know other personal stuff about me.
Y’all!
I SUCK AT PUBLIC SPEAKING!
Sorry. I just needed to yell that for a minute.
But seriously.
I’m talking breaking out into chills, feeling like I’m going to vomit. The whole she-bang. I’ll probably hyperventilate, throw up in a brown paper bag, and then they’ll kick me out because my vomit filled brown bag leads to a puke brigade of tiny humans.
Anyway, I’m unable to attend, but I did agree for next year. It gives me a whole year. Easy peasy.
I don’t even know if that damn word is spelled correctly. Don’t come for me. I have an editor for a reason. Words are hard, okay?
Until next time, you beautiful souls.
Last updated: June 14, 2024
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